I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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