If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize