don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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