New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wear drunk well.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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