What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
