they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
