i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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