in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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