I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize