dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
