Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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