Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
