Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
someone owes me an orgasm
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
