Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
