That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
