Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
