The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
