How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
