WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize