Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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