You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
