What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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