naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
