she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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