he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
