Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
do herpes really smell.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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