do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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