There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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