Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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