I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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