Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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