people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
