I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
