sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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