Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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