Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
