Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
