Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
