I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
