If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
