well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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