I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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