I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
