theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
