Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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