Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
