I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
