what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
