I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
