I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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