Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
