I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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