I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
