Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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