worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
