I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
