Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
