i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
