So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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