a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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