I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
