i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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