Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
