Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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