Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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