Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
