I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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