He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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