your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
