I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
