My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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