You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Terrible idea I love it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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