i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
