need another drink. this is the easiest way
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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