I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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