i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
