I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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