And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
