Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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