You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am available for nakedness
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
