Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
