i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
