I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
