this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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