Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
