Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
