He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
