I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
