I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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