I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
