White coat. Heels.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
