Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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