and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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