i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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