people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
