I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize