in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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