They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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