Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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