It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
