smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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