summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I could make wine with my vomit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
