i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
