you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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